Three guys, a wheelchair bound man, a guy in a neck brace and a chav with a broken arm, are sat in a bar when Jesus walks in and sits down. They say to each other "Isn't that Jesus?" and they all agree that it is him. So the wheelchair guy buys Jesus a drink and comes back to the table. The neck brace guy also buys him a drink, so does the Chav. So Jesus finishes his drinks, and goes up to the table. He comes up to the wheelchair guy and says "For your kindness, you are healed." Sure enough, the wheelchair guy gets out of his chair and walks out. He goes to the neck brace guy and says "For YOUR kindness, you are healed." And the neck Brace guy takes it off and strolls out. So he goes up to the chav, and he's about to heal him, when the chav says: "Don't you fookin touch me, I'm on disability!"
A chav goes in to a big department store and goes up to the man who sorts new jobs and asks "Woman doown the Job centre says I have to apply for a job or I get me benefits docked. What you got?" and the job man says "yes I have just the job for you". The chav looks at him happyily and asks what it is. The man describes the role as a really great job with a lot of pay and really cool perks like as much food as he can eat and as much white lightning as he can drink and all he has to do is follow this really hot lass around. The chav looks at him and says "are you having a laff or what?" and the job man says "well you started it."
A bus full of chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
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